Yesterday I came home from the pizza shop, my mum and dad handed me an envelope and inside of it were 2 tickets to go to Jaz Mirabel Park in Egypt. When I got there, I went to my room in the hotel and unpacked my bags. After I unpacked, I rushed down to the pool ready to swim with my friend but it was far too hot, all we could be bothered to do was lie down on our sunbeds, listen to music and drift away to a deep sleep. When I woke up I went in the pool.
2 Comments
Mr Furlong Team 100 Norwich
28/6/2014 07:06:53 pm
Thanks Hannah, what a great surprise! Well done for your use of powerful verbs - handed- unpacked-rushed (but remember to vary- rather than reuse.) Do think about including some adverbs to support your verbs- they can help add descriptive detail for the reader.
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Hannah
18/9/2014 03:44:22 pm
Thank you I will try to but more adverbs in next time.
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AuthorHello! We are Class 4 at Sunnybrow Primary School in County Durham. We are a class of Y5/6 children who want to broaden our horizons and show the world what we have to offer. We are using this blog to explore web design, write creatively and display our work and achievements. Please leave a comment on our posts. Categories
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